Night, I know it's you.

Sadness. Sadness. An emotional state of pain is one definition that springs to mind. There are many others. It varies from individual to individual, and often varies with context too. Although we encounter sadness in our day to day life, defining it in words doesn't do it justice. The feeling is best understood when it is felt in full force; when you are the person affected. 

No one that reads this post can say that they haven't been sad at all, for that is impossible and inhumane. Whether it is a child who didn't get his ice-cream, or lovers who failed in their quest; we have all felt it, sadness is part and parcel of normal life. A recurring theme for some. 

While sadness might seem detrimental to the human psyche, it is not always the case. Assuming a person has been hurt by a certain event and is faced with sadness (let's say the damage done isn't very severe); depending on the person's mental strength and his bouncebackability, he unconsciously might be able to strengthen his ego defense mechanism, thus making his ego (second construct in Freud's structural model of the human psyche) less vulnerable for future attacks. This way, sadness actually benefits the victim. But no one is willing to take this route to mental strength for it's the hardest of all. Of course, this idea not applicable for major grievances in life such as death of a loved one etc., as the damage done by such events are not restricted to ego alone and recovery is often a detailed process. 

"A chronic incapacity to suppress negative emotion might be a key factor in the genesis of depression and anxiety."

Depression on the other hand is a far more severe issue that might be born out of constant exposure to sadness, and if the person has no planned strategy to overcome his issues, often marked by a distinct lack of interest. The worst part of depression is it's ability to disguise itself well. The most cheerful person out there might actually be suffering from a severe case of depression. Just that they have successfully managed to keep it a secret. Sometimes from themselves. 

***

It was past 5. An early dinner at D2. While I was there outside the food hall, my eyes came in contact with a group of Virginia Tech Corps of Cadets. They were under the Military Track (One of the four ROTC programs that Tech offers). I have always had a thing for punctuality. And my immediate reaction to seeing them neatly dressed in their military uniform and aligned in a neat stream, was one of pure admiration. Discipline. Discipline, of course. Strong men with short hair and fine etiquette. Women had their hair tied in a bun; their gaze steely. Now here were a bunch of people I would entrust the security of my country with. The pain of discipline is nothing like the pain of regret. 

All rights belong to VT

***

It is 1:47 AM. Sleep eludes me these days with alarming consistency. There's a peculiar beauty in the breakdown of my relationship with sleep. I can't say I didn't see it coming, though. Sleeping is no mean art: for its sake one must stay awake all day. Even Nietzsche's quotes are starting to make sense without any effort, I think...